2 months anniversary~!!!!!!!!!!

久しぶりすぎて何を書けばいいのか分かりません。

う～ん、やっぱアメリカ人と付き合うのって難しいな。

今日はささいな事でライアンを傷つけて怒らせてしまって、慰めの言葉やExcuse、そんな自分が何も言いたいことを英語で言えないもんだから事態を悪化させてしまった。

日本人と付き合ってたら、とか。
もっとネイティブ並みの英語力があったら、とか。

２人の中にかなり壁を感じてしまって、またあたしは一人でSelfishな行動をしてしまった。

んで思い切ってChurchの帰りに言ったんだ。

『I was thinking that it is difficult having an american bf... When you got mad at me, I couldnt tell you what I really want to say, and I hurted you again....』

Then, he understood what I was trying to say him.
Sometimes he twists the word and it hurts me so much.....
So he thanked me that I told what I felt today and it made him realize.
He said that he's gonna change it because it hurts me again...

He wants me to tell everything the thing that makes me hurt or bother.
I used to hide these things because its not gonna be solved even though I tell that.
I thought problems that occur between me and my bf is not because of guys, because of me who is selfish and wagamama...

But..
He is different......

He is also trying to change with me and trying to find his bad point to me.

I just cried so much today....
I dont know why, but I really felt his love...

Being his gf is not easy than having a japanese bf..
but this is what I've decided and I love him more than anyone else.

こういう事って英語のほうがいいやすいよね；
日本語だと書きにくい。。

明日からまた一週間！がんばろう～～～

This week

I havent written this about 1 week?
aww...This week was almonst over coz I dont have a class and a match!!What we are gonna do tom is Gina's surprise party which is supposed to be at 2;30!Im really looking forward to seeing to her. But it might be last time to see her until she gets a baby...
Anyway, I feel so bad tonight..
I kinda betrayed my host mom in some ways... she was disappointed to me and kinda crancked out. Though she doesn't care now, Im still feeling bad. Its not what Im supposed to do, but I was such a stupid at that time. How can I get back my faith..?

I've realized my problem of English through Ryan. It is my lack of vocablary... Ryan becomes my housemate's tutor, Sandy, for 2 months. I was listening the conversation between him and her last night. Then, the vocablaries that she was using were awesome!!lol Even Ryan was surprised and he said "Wow, you can use difficult words more than some of my stupid friends!". I was kinda upset coz I had no idea what she meant. I gotta work on that...

Im about to go to the bed...
Oyasumiiiii